Last New Year

For most of the year things had not been going well, the drinking was getting worse and worse and he wasn’t even making much of an effort to hide it anymore.

In July she lost her wedding ring, she almost made no effort to try and find it.  November brought her knee surgery which he chose to use as an excuse not to go to work and stay home and drink instead under the guise that he was caring for her.  Christmas in Mexico only weeks after her surgery.  She couldn’t walk much and instead of helping her out….

Finally the end of the year.  The few days leading up to New Years was horrible.  He kept finding excuses to leave the house and would then go to the local bar and throwback shots.  His car broke down at one point and she had to go pick him up.  He was drunk, an empty vodka bottle laying on the floor of his car in plain site.  They got into a huge fight.

The next day was the last football game of the year.  Why she let him drive is unknown to her.  They fought in the car and he nearly caused a fatal accident.  In the stadium he fell onto the row of people in front of them and eventually passed out in his seat.

The drive home was silent except for these words she finally uttered “I think we need to separate”  That was the beginning of the end.  This house would never be the same.

My Divorce Coach Intl.

 

 

Last Christmas

There have been 16 Christmas’ in this house.

There have been up to 15 family members here at once to celebrate on Christmas day.

Three of those family members have now passed.

One no longer lives here and one now only lives here a few months out of the year.

Hundreds of presents have been given and received.

One bout of food poisoning, one oven on fire, one garbage disposal destroyed, several glasses of wine spilled on the carpet, laughter filling the house, several dogs, one cat and a few fish also participated.

20 inches of snow, no snow and 60 degrees.  Stockings hung and filled with toys, a packed house filled with joy.

An artificial tree every year but one, different ornaments every year.

This house will be missed at Christmas time.  This is the last place I spent Christmas with my mom it will be hard to leave that memory behind.

The memories made and family members now departed will forever be etched in these walls.  New memories will be made in new walls but their presence will always be felt as new family members gather and presents are exchanged.

My Divorce Coach Intl.

 

 

The Christmas Ornament

Her mom died that year.  Christmas was always over the top for her mom, it was her favorite time of year and she loved, loved, loved to decorate.  Her mom had several key pieces that she put out every year, so when her mom died there were five specific pieces that all the girls wanted.  Since there were five girls it worked out well for each girl to get one piece, but it wasn’t quite that easy.

The plan was for everyone to put their name in a hat for each piece they wanted, if your name was drawn that was your decoration.  It started out fine until one of the sisters had her name drawn for two different pieces.  Since they hadn’t talked about it and just assumed everyone would walk away with one ornament it was a bit of a surprise, but not a total surprise, that she refused to give up either piece and instead allowed one sister to walk away with nothing.

These pieces had been in the family for years and they were the one significant thing that reminded the girls of their mother and allowed her to share the holiday with them every year.

Now the first ornament on her tree each year is the breast cancer heart in memory of her mom, then her mother’s Christmas decoration which she just so happened to purchase while she was visiting her in Colorado and finally her grandmother’s Santa Claus.  Even though her mother and grandmother have long since passed, they are still apart of her Christmas every year.

My Divorce Coach Intl.

The Burbs

 

The kids were on a “track” system at school, which meant they had almost a full month off over Christmas.  This was a great time to plan a trip to DisneyWorld and that is exactly what she was doing when the shots rang out.

The house is in the burbs in a usually uneventful cul de sac filled with kids.  The neighbors behind them insisted on setting off fireworks year round and so she did not think anything of it when she heard the pop, pop, pop.  There go the neighbors again she thought and thought no more of it, until the doorbell rang.

The two cops stood at her door wanting to know if she had heard the gunshots earlier.  Gunshots? You mean that wasn’t fireworks? No ma’m, there was a drive by shooting two doors down and got one of your neighbors.  I guess DisneyWorld is going to have to wait.

The Violin

She was only 5 but she was determined to play the violin.  Where in the world did she get the idea that this was something that would make her happy.  She knew no one that played.  She had never even seen or heard one as far as her mother knew.  Despite that, she asked for a violin and lessons everyday for almost six months.  She was relentless, and then it happened, the day her mom finally agreed.

Music filled the house on a daily basis after that.  She played from kindergarten all the way through high school.  She played on the same stage as the Beatles, U2, Bob Dylan and Beyonce.  It was her dream and she lived it.

My Divorce Coach Intl

This Wasn’t Supposed To Happen

It didn’t have to be this way.  They could have worked it out, he just needed to get some help.  She tried to help but he never followed through.  Did she give up too quickly, was she so sure that he would choose this family over the vodka that she didn’t try hard enough to help him?  Should she have stuck it out a little bit longer?

Now he’s gone and she’s all alone with the kids.  Just like her mom, six kids, no father around, she’s drowning.  How did she get here? This wasn’t supposed to happen.

My Divorce Coach Intl

 

Pat’s Dead

Her sister had a tendency to be dramatic at times.  It had only been six months since her mom died and there had been a lot of conflict between her younger sister and the rest of the family.  So when she called that day she let it go to voicemail.  “Call me right away, I need to talk to you, I’m at Missy’s house.” the message said.  She sounded frantic and a bit unhinged, but that was her usual tone.  A phone call to her other sister as to why she was at her house and freaking out would quickly unravel the mystery.

“Pat’s dead! Pat’s dead!” Oh no, not again.

My Divorce Coach International

Burning Down The House

He almost set the house on fire.  It had been a particularly dry summer and the lawn was as crisp as a chip fresh from the bag.  The kids had been avoiding him as of late because of his behavior.  I was in bed sick with a cold in the middle of summer.  The kids were bored and I suggested they go outside and hang out with their dad.  It was a beautiful summer night, he had lit a fire in our fire pit and was sitting outside alone.  I was hoping that maybe.. I’m not really sure what I was hoping at that point, I was just hoping.  Fifteen minutes later they were back in my bed curled up next to me and crying as if they were two years old again.

What they didn’t realize, what none of us realized was that he was drunk.  The fire was roaring and embers began flying.  Because the grass was so dry my daughter told him to put the screen over the top to keep the embers from escaping.  Instead he pulled a burning log out of the fire and threw it on the lawn.  My daughter started yelling at him and raced over to pick up the log before the lawn went up in flames and possibly the house along with it.  When she asked him why he had done that he turned to my younger daughter and angrily asked her why she had done thrown the log onto the lawn.  They were confused, they told him it was he who had thrown the log but he continued to berate my daughter.  He had no idea what he had just done.  They had no idea he was drunk.  That would be the last night he would ever sleep in our house.

The Journal

Many, many, many…. years ago I had a friend who traveled the world as a drum tech for rock bands.  He worked for bands such as Poison, The Cult, Guns n’ Roses and a few others.  It was during one of these tours when he was in Germany that he bought me this planner, if you will.  He brought it back to me along with a pearl handled switchblade – not really sure what the point of the switchblade was, but oddly enough I still have it, as I do the planner.

I added a few things to the calendar but mostly used it as a journal.  Over the years I have continued to write in this book mostly while I have been in this house. So here below and continuing on to further blogs, is an excerpt from my journal, capturing a moment in time that this house bore witness to and that will have forever changed my life.

“Well I made a decision of a lifetime today.  A few days ago my Dr. told me I had a higher then normal risk of having a Downs (down syndrome) baby.  I had an ultrasound today to check further, it didn’t tell me much more  I was offered an amnio (amniocentesis) with the option of terminating the pregnancy.  After (much – even I can’t read that) thought and much talking , Jeff &I decided not to play God.  We didn’t want that decision – we don’t believe it’s ours to make, it’s God’s.  So now we wait and pray God gives us a healthy baby.  But we will accept whatever God chooses to bless us with.” 

 

The Beginning of the End

It was her meniscus, her knee – she had torn it and because she was over 40 they couldn’t repair it, it had to be removed.

Things already weren’t going great, but she had no idea it was about to get this bad.  She was still doing all of the kid stuff herself so when she had to go in for surgery and had to be off her feet for a few days she turned to her husband for help.  He would drop her off at the surgical center for the one hour surgery, pick up the kids from school and deliver them where they needed to be and return to pick her up.  He planned to take a few days off of work to take care of her and the kids.  Her best friend decided that she wanted to help as well.  The plan changed, he would drop her off for surgery and her friend would pick her up while her husband took care of the kids.

When she arrived home from the surgical center, completely unable to walk, still out of it from the anesthesia and drugs she needed help getting inside and up the stairs, they needed her husband.  They found him drunk and barely able to stand himself, that plan was obviously going to be a fail. When did this happen?  It was 4 in the afternoon.  Was he drunk when he was ferrying the kids around? Did he come home and down half a bottle of vodka in the hour or so in between picking up the kids and her arrival? WTF! He couldn’t even stay sober long enough to take care of his wife for one GD night! Lying there in bed, in pain and barely coherent, the kids tearfully came to her side.  “What’s wrong with dad?” they asked.  Her daughter needed help with her homework that he obviously was unable to provide.  What was she to say?

Thankfully her friend was there and stayed for the next two days to take care of her and the kids because once again, he chose alcohol over his family.  His plan apparently was to stay home from work and drink under the guise of caring for his wife, that worked out.  It was the beginning of the end.

My Divorce Coach Intl